Ruining Superficial Standards

I'm the queen of deflecting compliments.  I'm a work in progress, but I currently still sit on the throne.  I think we would all classify ourselves as queen, if we were honest [or King - gender is irrelevant here].  Unless we hold the blue ribbon ultimate prize in self-confidence.  In a culture where every magazine sets the standard of "normal" at a level which is unattainable for most people, I've found that deflecting comments is the easiest way to let myself down first before someone else has the chance to.  Seriously, when all I'm thinking about is how awful I look in a picture and then someone uses the dreaded word "beautiful" to describe me, all I can think about is how that person MUST be lying.

The most ironic thing about this is that I'm a believer.  I believe I was created in the image of God.  And I believe my Father in Heaven is flawless.  Yet, I forget that every time I bash myself, I'm actually discounting how flawless I actually believe the Lord to be.  If I am his creation, formed in his image, how can I be so hateful toward myself on the daily?  I'm just being real with you guys - sorry (not sorry) if this is uncomfortable for you.

What brought this all about is what I can only explain as a weird summer.  Seriously.  This has, by far, been the weirdest summer I can remember.  Things that I set out to accomplish for good backfired, friendships that I thought were together fell back apart, and the vision I thought that I had has been challenged in every possible way.   Today marks a day where I've been praying constantly for a former co-worker who is very sick in the most rare of ways.  And as I excused myself from my desk to plead the blood of Jesus over his life in my car, I began to realize this:

I am praying and believing God for restoration on behalf of other people, but I, myself, am not fully reconciled to the goodness of Jesus.  

He's good, y'all.  It's something that I can bear and have born witness to time and time, again.  And I really do believe that with my whole heart - for other people.  But, what I've realized, is that when it comes to me, I don't know that I've been fully trusting in the goodness of Jesus.  I encourage others and cheer them on, but still go home sad that I've lived another day single, sad that I've missed the mark with a friend yet again, confused about where I'm heading, and NOT trusting that He formed me with purpose in mind.

I'm not just talking about bashing Facebook photos and wanting to be married here, I'm talking about our lives as a whole!  We have to start seeing ourselves through the filter of Jesus.  I don't know about you, but I pray for grace all the time.  For the drivers in front of me [right after I'm super ugly toward them], for the people in my life that are tough to love, and for other circumstances that seem overwhelming.  But I seldom pray for grace for myself.  I don't think twice about depreciating my value.  And the truth is that my value, YOUR value, our value was assigned by the King of all kings.  He paid the highest price for me and for you and yet I fail to see my worth on a daily basis.

If you haven't heard it yet, or maybe you haven't heard it today, let me be the one to remind you - your worth has nothing to do with what the mirror reflects back at you, your relationship status, your popularity, or your intelligence.  I know that's tough to hear, but we've replaced Jesus with superficial standards for far too long.

I believe that it's time for us to stand up and recognize that we are [only] worthy because He counts us worthy.  It's time for us to start seeing ourselves through the filter of grace.  Love that tears down walls starts with us.  You want to love people into the Kingdom?  Want to reach them in grace and show them a God who restores people?  Start with grace for yourself.

Oh, and also let me tell you - regardless of your gender, you are NOT beautiful because Facebook or Instagram says so.  You are beautiful because you are a direct reflection of the most innovative creator that has ever existed or will ever exist.

Let's get it together and stop holding ourselves to superficial standards where iPhone notifications validate our confidence and start pursuing Jesus in all of His goodness.

lessons learned from student ministry

Hello blog world :)  It's been a minute!  I do apologize!  My life seems insane with grad school, a new job, juggling friends all over the place, and exciting opportunities happening everyday.  I forget that I have a blog sometimes.

Most of you know (so, this means all 2 of you that read this, haha) that my move last August came with the desire to do something in student ministry.  I was involved in student ministry as a high schooler and the investment of many, and mainly an incredible small group leader, taught me about the reality of Jesus.  I wanted to give back in that way and so I began to seek out opportunities to do so.  I didn't really have a clue of what I would be in for, given that my past "ministry experience" included singing on a praise team and holding babies in a nursery.  Nonetheless, I was excited when Pastor Seth, Daystar's youth pastor, called me one day and said "I think, by some miracle, we've found you a spot on the high school team." 

It seems crazy that I'm rapidly approaching one year in Greensboro, and what a year it has been!  I have learned so much through student ministry, and wanted to share those lessons here.  Hope you enjoy!

1. You are never ever too old to have fun.  I just spent a week in Charleston with the most energetic, hilarious, and fun crew of leaders and students!  We slept on hard floors, worked until we were exhausted, worshiped with our whole hearts, and played like we were little kids.  It was my first trip as a leader, and it was a week I'll never forget.
2. Regardless of where I am in my spiritual journey, leading others on theirs (especially teenage girls) keeps me focused and accountable.  I made a vow that I didn't want to live my life in a way that contradicted the way that I led my small group.  This has been CHALLENGING; I am not perfect, BUT I strive to do the best that I can.  
3. Consistency is key - my girls are constantly looking for me to be who I said I was going to be and to show up when I say I will.  Yes, this means I have to choose orchestra concerts over PJs and netflix, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
4. You get what you give.  When I started student ministry, I felt like a fish out of water.  Everyone already knew each other and I had to build relationships very quickly.  Luckily, I'm a relational person.  Had it not been for the leaders and students that embraced me as the new leader and befriended me, it would have been game over.
5. The devil is real, but Jesus is real-er.  High schoolers struggle hard just like everyone else, but we focus on keeping Jesus at the center and we've seen God change some incredibly tough hearts this year.  
6. You have to be willing to be vulnerable.  Sometimes I look like a fool because I have to tell my girls the truth about what I'm walking through.  But the reality is that this has created a door for them to also be honest with me about their own lives.
7. "I'll be praying for you" is a lie!  We all say it, and this isn't condemnation for saying that.  But at VERT, we like to pray right then and there about issues.  We just step out of the way or into an empty room and deal with those issues right there.  This has been a HUGE encouragement to me in the rest of my life.  Prayer is urgent and it's important and I am never too busy to invite Jesus in to do what he does best - restore!
8. Being a leader is about being given an opportunity.  Sure, I have a lot of learning and growing to do, but Pastor Seth trusts me with a portion of his world.  He's really great about building me up and THEN critiquing me.  This helps me get better and strive to be a better, more effective, leader.
9. Gratitude is the heart of ministry.  I believe that we're effective for the Kingdom when we humble ourselves enough to be thankful.  Yes, this is hard.  Yes, sometimes I would rather complain about what's not going right or be insecure about myself, BUT the minute that I reflect on how grateful I am is the minute that I'm reminded why I serve in student ministry.  
10. Everyone is vitally important to the Kingdom.  There are so many different personalities within our student ministry.  Not everyone leads the same way or is interested in the same things.  But, truthfully, I am so encouraged looking around and realizing that there's a place for everyone within the walls of VERT.  It's inclusive and full of love.  I can't help but imagine that this is a true picture of the Kingdom.

If you've read this far, thanks :)  This is boring to some of you, I know.  But student ministry has quickly become a huge part of my heart.  I can't imagine my time in Greensboro without Daystar and VERT.  I'm so thankful for the leaders who never considered me a stranger and taught me how to lead and to the students who trust and encourage me every day.

When I first moved to Greensboro, I was very focused on getting in, finishing grad school, and getting the heck out.  Now, it's hard for me to imagine how I'd give all this up in pursuit of anything better.  I'm so encouraged and motivated by student ministry.