As I've been reading lately all these really awesome stories about heroic people in the Bible who did incredible things because of the living power of Jesus Christ, a question has been resonating in my spirit. "Laura, who are you on the boat?" Well that's so easy and I'm glad you asked!!!!! NOT. As I've been pondering this question, I've been realizing that I have no idea who I am on the boat. Am I Peter in Matthew 14? He had some insecurities, but when push came to shove he stepped over the ledge and walked to Jesus on the water. Am I one of the disciples in Mark 4? They had really great intentions, but when the pressure was high, they threw out their intentions and were consumed by fear. I want to be Peter, but I think I'm closer to being one of those disciples.
When life brings on the pressure and the bad news outweighs the good news, are you Peter? Am I Peter? When you're faced with the reality that the "C word" has invaded your family and is rampaging against the people you love the most, do you stand in victory or seize up in fear? Right now, I want to tell you that I'm good, I'm standing in victory, I'm believing the best, I'm interceding and pursuing the right things. But I have to tell you this: I hate cancer. It's scary and unpredictable. I hate that it's affecting people that I love more than anything. I believe that the power of Jesus is bigger than the realities of the world and I know that regardless of the outcomes of my days, I can and will still praise the Lord because He's still good. I'm just telling you that I wish I knew with more certainty who I was on the boat. I wish I could run to my family and shift their fear into praise and turn their hardened hearts into new hearts eager to seek after the goodness of God. I feel like Peter during the part of the story where he looks down and realizes that he's on the water and immediately begins to sink because he shifted his focus. My eyes went from Jesus ahead to water below.
Here's the thing: Before Peter looked down, before he even stepped out, he cried out with boldness to Jesus and asked for the miracle. Halfway through the miracle, he doubted, but the point is that he asked first. When we want to see things happen, regardless of our fear, we have to ask for those things to happen. If Peter wouldn't have asked, he may have never known in that same way of his grave need for Jesus. If the Lord hadn't designed our lives to encounter circumstances where the pressure rises, we may never have the opportunity to realize fully just how much we need a savior. I'm thankful for the pressure, not for the actual specifics of the circumstances, but for the pressure that calls out my fear and forces it to turn into faith.
The great thing about this story is that Jesus reached down and grabbed Peter and pulled him up before he sunk all the way in above his head. Water might be below and I might be heavier than water, but Jesus makes the call and he's grabbing my arms before I lose the battle to the water. I'm trying to shift my paradigm from world fearing to God fearing. Jesus died for my fear. I'm trying to be able to say with certainty that even though I'm aware of the water below, my eyes will forever stay fixed on Jesus ahead. I'm trying to embody a life of joy from the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep because even though my circumstances are overwhelming, my heart is full of the everlasting and sustaining love of the Lord. And I believe it can happen. The Bible doesn't say how Peter felt after Jesus picked him up out of the water, but I'd be willing to bet that he felt overwhelmed. If I could guess at the thoughts in his mind, I would guess that even though his flesh would be casting out feelings of shame for looking down, that his joy filled heart felt relief at the tangible work of the savior of the world.
I said earlier that I didn't know who I was on the boat, but as the pressures rise, I just want to be Peter. My flesh might fail me, but I need a savior, and He won't ever fail me. Water below, but eyes ahead on Jesus. Pray for my family, friends.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
...whether they listen to you or not.
"Then he added, "Son of man, let all my words sink deep into your own heart first. Listen to them carefully for yourself. Then go to your people in exile and say to them, 'This is what the Soverign LORD says!' Do this whether they listen to you or not." Ezekiel 3: 10-11
Immediately preceding the above passage, the Lord instructs Ezekiel to go and tell the nations about his word. He says, in short, that his assignment in itself is easy, it's the woundedness that will follow the reaction of the people that will prove to be the hardest part for Ezekiel. Have you ever thought of our assignment here on earth as followers of Christ? It's E-A-S-Y...Jesus already did the hard part. He endured the physical suffering, the ridicule, the hate and ultimately the sacrifice of life in order that we might be covered. Our assignment is to tell everyone that we can about the great and wonderful truth that we believe with our whole hearts. Easy, right? Well, sure, the telling part would be so easy if every single person you told (either with your words or with your actions) jumped right on board, accepted the truth, and committed right then and there to walk beside you the rest of your days and uphold you and agree with you about telling others. The problem is that that scenario doesn't happen. In reality, we muster up the courage to tell of what we know to be true and then the first wound occurs leading to our own personal discouragement. Consequently, the next time we muster up the courage, we count our woundedness as a predecessor, making it harder and harder to share our hearts with others.
To be transparent, I'm reminded of my last mission trip to Mexico. I've been on countless other mission trips, but this was the first 'large-scale' mission trip that I personally put all the leg work into making happen. That means my dad didn't help me (and by help me I mean do 98% of the work) write a support letter or help me find addresses of people to send them to. My parents didn't pay the deposit or make sure that in the end my lack of financial support was covered. In fact, when I intially informed them, they were both not even on board for me to go. I remember thinking as I tried to condense my ever-excited mind into a one page support letter that it was going to be awesome to see the reactions of all of my cherished family and friends as they received the update on my life and partnered with me (at least in prayer) for my time in mission. Then I sent my letters and eagerly awaited the reactions. My results were less than satisfactory to say the least (and please, know that I am not talking about money). Those family and friends that I wanted the most to say that they were praying for my trip didn't even mention that they had received the letter. Those that I wanted the most to have my back were the least enthusiastic about this next huge step in my life. I'll be honest, that hurt. I poured my heart out in a letter and in many phone calls about being so excited to go to another nation and share the love of Christ and I got hurt in return. I was wounded, and my woundedness made it harder for me to ever have the desire again to share with my family and friends about what the Lord was calling me to do.
Here's the thing...if I took that experience and let those emotions dictate my future steps in ministry, well my ministry would have ended right then and there. However, I recognize that being wounded is a part of being in ministry. People not supporting you...well, it happens. Those that you love the most being the least excited...well, that happens too. But then there's the few in your life that support you in all that you do, whether they agree or not, and those people serve as a reminder that no matter how the Lord calls you, you're equipped to love as He loves. The wounds, though they happen, remind us that as Jesus was telling all of those people about who he was and what he had been sent to do, he was persecuted. Jesus had 12 solid supporters, out of thousands, TWELVE, and really He had eleven. Woundedness is a gift designed to keep reminding you that it's a process, and you're called to hold on. So, keep sharing your heart. Keep saying what you know is true, and do it confidently. It's not easy, but if it were easy we wouldn't have to share, because everyone would already know.
Thanks to the Lord and his revealing spirit, to a pastor that absolutely loves his people and wants to share his wisdom, and to a leadership class that has proven to be one of the most effective and influential things I have ever been a part of, I now understand that woundedness is a gift. It takes faith to love others. It takes faith to share your heart with them and be vulnerable. But, if just one person recognizes the God in you, it's so worth it. AND, even if you never meet that one person, it's still so worth it. I now have an even deeper appreciation of the head of my 'house' who, on a much much larger scale than I, has to face the woundedness and allow the hurt to make him stronger. You can't just stop sharing the goodness of the Lord because of your emotional need to be approved of by others, and I now understand that on a much more solid level.
The blessing is in the woundedness. The honor is in the humility. The power is in the word. The encouragement is in the sacrifice. You are called. You are capable. You will make a significant Kingdom impact.
Immediately preceding the above passage, the Lord instructs Ezekiel to go and tell the nations about his word. He says, in short, that his assignment in itself is easy, it's the woundedness that will follow the reaction of the people that will prove to be the hardest part for Ezekiel. Have you ever thought of our assignment here on earth as followers of Christ? It's E-A-S-Y...Jesus already did the hard part. He endured the physical suffering, the ridicule, the hate and ultimately the sacrifice of life in order that we might be covered. Our assignment is to tell everyone that we can about the great and wonderful truth that we believe with our whole hearts. Easy, right? Well, sure, the telling part would be so easy if every single person you told (either with your words or with your actions) jumped right on board, accepted the truth, and committed right then and there to walk beside you the rest of your days and uphold you and agree with you about telling others. The problem is that that scenario doesn't happen. In reality, we muster up the courage to tell of what we know to be true and then the first wound occurs leading to our own personal discouragement. Consequently, the next time we muster up the courage, we count our woundedness as a predecessor, making it harder and harder to share our hearts with others.
To be transparent, I'm reminded of my last mission trip to Mexico. I've been on countless other mission trips, but this was the first 'large-scale' mission trip that I personally put all the leg work into making happen. That means my dad didn't help me (and by help me I mean do 98% of the work) write a support letter or help me find addresses of people to send them to. My parents didn't pay the deposit or make sure that in the end my lack of financial support was covered. In fact, when I intially informed them, they were both not even on board for me to go. I remember thinking as I tried to condense my ever-excited mind into a one page support letter that it was going to be awesome to see the reactions of all of my cherished family and friends as they received the update on my life and partnered with me (at least in prayer) for my time in mission. Then I sent my letters and eagerly awaited the reactions. My results were less than satisfactory to say the least (and please, know that I am not talking about money). Those family and friends that I wanted the most to say that they were praying for my trip didn't even mention that they had received the letter. Those that I wanted the most to have my back were the least enthusiastic about this next huge step in my life. I'll be honest, that hurt. I poured my heart out in a letter and in many phone calls about being so excited to go to another nation and share the love of Christ and I got hurt in return. I was wounded, and my woundedness made it harder for me to ever have the desire again to share with my family and friends about what the Lord was calling me to do.
Here's the thing...if I took that experience and let those emotions dictate my future steps in ministry, well my ministry would have ended right then and there. However, I recognize that being wounded is a part of being in ministry. People not supporting you...well, it happens. Those that you love the most being the least excited...well, that happens too. But then there's the few in your life that support you in all that you do, whether they agree or not, and those people serve as a reminder that no matter how the Lord calls you, you're equipped to love as He loves. The wounds, though they happen, remind us that as Jesus was telling all of those people about who he was and what he had been sent to do, he was persecuted. Jesus had 12 solid supporters, out of thousands, TWELVE, and really He had eleven. Woundedness is a gift designed to keep reminding you that it's a process, and you're called to hold on. So, keep sharing your heart. Keep saying what you know is true, and do it confidently. It's not easy, but if it were easy we wouldn't have to share, because everyone would already know.
Thanks to the Lord and his revealing spirit, to a pastor that absolutely loves his people and wants to share his wisdom, and to a leadership class that has proven to be one of the most effective and influential things I have ever been a part of, I now understand that woundedness is a gift. It takes faith to love others. It takes faith to share your heart with them and be vulnerable. But, if just one person recognizes the God in you, it's so worth it. AND, even if you never meet that one person, it's still so worth it. I now have an even deeper appreciation of the head of my 'house' who, on a much much larger scale than I, has to face the woundedness and allow the hurt to make him stronger. You can't just stop sharing the goodness of the Lord because of your emotional need to be approved of by others, and I now understand that on a much more solid level.
The blessing is in the woundedness. The honor is in the humility. The power is in the word. The encouragement is in the sacrifice. You are called. You are capable. You will make a significant Kingdom impact.
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