there's more.

5:30am.  The alarm on my iPhone rings and I'm annoyed, I set it early in order to snooze anyway.  My anticipated 10 minute snooze turns into 45 minutes and I'm up and in the shower.  The dog needs to go out and be fed and the laundry on my floor reminds me that my options for clothing myself are dwindling.  The dishes in the dishwasher are clean as is made evident by the dirty ones in the sink.  I think about the least amount of minutes it can take me to get ready so that I can spend the most amount of minutes possible completing tasks.  If only I would have snoozed for just ten minutes...nevermind, no changing that now.  A thousand thoughts fly through my head -- of yesterday, of my mom, of bills, of work, of friends and of my intent to make spending time with Jesus a habit, not a convenience. 

I question myself and wonder why.  Why all the extra thoughts?  Why the distractions of chores and tasks?  Why not just dive right in to the habit of Jesus and let him guide my every thought and word?  Why am I so obsessed with humanity that I always default to doing it on my own?  If all my thinking was chanelled into doing, I'd be fully reliant on Holy Spirit to be my guide and way less stressed.  When I look outside I see the sun coming up over the mountain and yet again, I'm amazed.  Amazed at creation and its beauty.  Then I step on my back porch into the 50 degree June morning and I look.  There's more.  There IS more.  I'm not what I tell myself that I am.  I was created to praise and the action is appropriate for me.

I'm ready, at least ready enough.   The Lord has been waiting on me for at least 1 hour, so I step outside.  Today, a walk to pray.  "Father thank you for today" -- it seems generic.  There go my thoughts.  "Father thank you for today.  I pray that as I go through this day that you've already designed that I honor you and encourage others."  My thoughts catch my mind and I'm distracted again.  I think of my mom, two hours away in a dumb hospital room.  My eyes fill with tears.  I don't talk about how much her sickness really has affected me, but Jesus knows so tears are ok.  I just want to take her home.  I know that in one hour when I arrive at work, I'll be asked about her 15 times, might as well get the emotion out of the way right now so I can give the easy answer.  I think of the Ecuador team.  I'm convicted because I feel as though I should be preparing in some more significant way than I am.  I pray for maturity and that the Lord would bless my other teammates.  I think of Monday night.  I'm overwhelmed again.  I reign in my thoughts and keep praying.  It will be ok, I know it will. 

I think of all the times I've done and said what I shouldn't have.  I think of how I could have been a better friend.  Jesus reminds me of when I was a good friend.  I smile.  He's sweet and always knows how to turn the page.  I decide to focus on the more.  The more to Jesus.  I make myself a 22 day challege right there in my neighborhood.  22 days till Ecuador, 21 days to form a habit, the perfect amount of time to Journal daily about how I'm learning more and more about the Lord.  I commit silently to him to make the Word a habit.  I know I will do it. 

It's time to go and the dog starts whining. He always does.  I hate to leave him, but I walk out.  I get to the office at 8:03.  Typical.  I think of how that needs to change, seriously.  It doesn't matter to everyone else, but it really matters to me that I'm obedient and punctual.  I look at my to-do list.  I'm thankful for this job.  I know I will learn a lot today because I learn a lot everyday here.  I wonder how long I'll be here.  I focus back on Jesus.  All is well.  There is more and I'm finding the more.

A friend walks to my desk -- "How's your mom?" they say.  "She's great," I say, "Getting better daily."  It's the truth, and the easy answer.  I think of today and I know that it's going to be great.